I know there are people who love that stuff, and everybody knows that one reason Tarantino makes his characters talk so much is because he's really good at dialogue. I'm all for good dialogue, but I'm more for efficiency in dialogue.
I am constantly paranoid that my scripts are too talky. Every time I write a long dialogue sequence I immediately hate it because I'm convinced that even if it's terrific dialogue, it could be better with action.
Whenever I write first drafts I write page after page after page of long, actionless dialogue sequences. The first thing I do on rewrite is cut the shit out of them. I do that by concentrating on three things: Subtext, action and conflict.
I had a bit where my male lead has just started dating the female lead. They work together, and he has just given her a dangerous job to do over the phone.
Scrippets is being whorish so the format's off, but here's what I originally had:
[scrippet]
ELLIOT
Hey Lana?
LANA
Yeah.
ELLIOT
Would it be weird if I said I liked you?
LANA
Yeah. But you can say it anyway.
ELLIOT
I do.
LANA
I like you too.
[/scrippet]
Sucks, right? Very on-the-nose, very dull. A little too cutesy.
So I thought about how I can use subtext instead of being so obvious. She's going to do a dangerous job, so he would be worried. Then I thought about actions to show that she likes him too. Then I thought about how I can have a tiny suggestion of conflict between them while still allowing their relationship to move forward. And I can do it with way less.
So here is the revised version:
[scrippet]
ELLIOT
Hey, Lana? Come back alive.
LANA
Hey, I'm a professional.
She hangs up, tries to stop the smile creeping across her face.
[/scrippet]
Better, I think. Doing less with more.
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